TKC DNC Update: Day 4

Apologies for the delay in posting. Getting out of Invesco field was a disaster last night. There were no directions and it was impossible to find the way out. Sadly, it undercuts the Democrats attacks on the Republicans because there was no exit strategy for that parking lot.

The other day, a guy accosted me in a hall after he saw my Ohio delegation pin. He wanted to trade for the pin; I kind of liked the pin and didn’t really want to trade it, but because I’m kind of an ass, I had him show me all 78 of his pins before turning him down.

At 6:30, the word was sent around the stadium that we had to be in our seats by 7:30, lest they give away our seats. At 7, after trying to stay hydrated since we arrived around 3, we got up to go use the restroom. Unfortunately, the fire marshal had shut down the sections of seating so we couldn’t go to the restroom without being unable to return to our seats. So back to our seats we went even though Obama’s speech was still an hour away! Apparently “change you can believe in” is a change of pants.

Did the tv networks play any of the music from the end of Obama’s speech? To me it sounded more like the music they play at the end of an action movie when the hero lands the disabled 747 and emerges from the smoking wreckage than it did music for the end of a speech. Maybe that’s just me.

An Ohio Democratic Party event after the speech featured a singer who performed a song that had the chorus “I’ve got to be drunk to do that.” You can imagine what the rest of the song was about based on that. So much for dignity in politics.

More seriously, I don’t know how Obama’s speech looked on tv, but in person it was simply spectacular. I thought it was given the way we hope our leaders will talk to us but the way they rarely do outside of Hollywood fantasy.

TKC DNC Update: Day 3

I’ve been lucky enough to be inside the Pepsi Center for each of the first three days. The halls at the center are so crowded it is nearly impossible to move at some places. In my time navigating these halls, I’ve learned something about Democrats: even though we talk about diversity and acceptance, when a person in a wheelchair stands between a delegate and his destination, the person in the wheelchair loses every time. These bleeding heart liberals are cold hearted bastards.

Melissa Etheridge is not attractive on a 2-story tall high-def screen.

I spotted several celebrities on the floor, but Jamie Foxx created the largest traffic jam.

During the session today, a man grabbed a seat next to me in the Ohio delegation seating area. The third worst thing was that the man was not from Ohio and shouldn’t have been there. The second worst thing was that he was not wearing deodorant. But the worst thing was that they gave us flags to wave, which forced him to raise his arms and magnified the second worst problem.

At breakfast a woman wearing many “Hillary” stickers stole my newspaper as it was sitting right in front of me. If that wasn’t bad enough, later in the morning I overheard her giving an interview in which she insisted Hillary could still win this election…

TKC @ DNC: Get your holiday shopping done now

You better get that Tickle Me Elmo now, because according to some people at the convention, we may not make it to Christmas.

(My regular update will follow later. This is just a PSA)

TKC DNC Update: Day 2

Here at the convention, powerful people get a lot of benefits. As a nobody, of course I get nothing. Thus, it warmed my heart that while I was waiting for over ten minutes for an elevator at a busy hotel, a governor of a powerful state (and a speaker at the convention) was forced to wait right along with me.

The Ragin’ Cajun, James Carville, should be renamed the Crawlin’ Naw’lins because he was jogging near Denver’s creek so slowly that I passed him while running on one twisted, bum knee. As I ran past, he saw me looking inquisitively and remarked “it’s the oxygen, stupid.” Well, that last part isn’t true, but it would be cool if it were.

I have previously discussed the recycling system at the Pepsi Center, so today I’m including a picture of the bins and the bin attendants. I guess this has become a trashy blog.

TKC DNC Update: Day 1

I meant to include a clarification about the image included in yesterday’s post; that was a collection of what is scientifically referred to as “corporate logoed crap.” Big companies have conducted millions of dollars in research and determined that putting their corporate image on notepads and water bottles will create customers for life. As of yesterday I will only shop for insurance at Nationwide, because they gave me pens, a first aid kit, AND a waterbottle. What can I say? I’m as weakminded as they thought. Regardless, everyone in the Ohio delegation received that terrific bag.

I guess they give away gift bags like that at the Superbowl too. So I suppose the convention is like the Superbowl for people who got beaten up on the playground as kids. What makes the convention better than the Superbowl is that one of the shirts I got says “58% of Ohioans have a chronic disease.” That’s a shirt I’ll wear out at clubs when picking up chicks because it’s hott.

After attending several events, it has become clear that people add the phrase “… and we’re going to elect Barack Obama to the White House in November” whenever they want applause. They do this even when what preceded is totally undeserving of applause. Seriously, people would applaud here if you said “I stole all your money you morons,” as long as you followed it with words about electing Obama to the White House.

I went to the Pepsi center for a bit today. Once again, the recycling was taken to ridiculous levels. There were about 4 different types of trash cans at each trash location. Not one can was plain old trash. Instead, it was three recycling bins and one composting bin. They’ve actually hired people to stand behind the bins and instruct delegates on how to properly throw away their trash. Perhaps trash instructors are part of Obama’s job creation program if he gets elected.

TKC DNC Update: Day 0

Some thoughts on the day. While standing next to him at baggage claim, I came to a sad realization: I’m shorter than Dennis Kucinich.

Tonight the Democrats put on a concert celebrating their “greenness.” As part of this, recycling is very big here. Unfortunately their concession area had a billion recycling bins and no trash cans. I had to dump non-recyclable trash in a recycling bin out of desperation. I think that defeats the point.

The Dave Matthews Sugarland, and Sheryl Crow concert was pretty cool.

Everything I needed to know, I learned in kindergarten

“. . . But they all probably know more; About proper punctuation and capitalization.”

Soaring High

One mile high to be accurate – but more on that in a minute.

For the past week, I have been quite delinquent in my posting.  I’m starting a new job in DC in November, and I spent this week out in our nation’s capital looking for a place to live.  Sadly, no luck yet.

I am sure that you are just as distressed as I am about my imminent homelessness, so please take a seat, because this next point is a doozy: my posting for the next week is not likely to improve.  There, I said it.  You’re angry, aren’t you?  I can see it in your eyes.  But wait, I have a good excuse!  I’m going to Denver to attend the Democratic National Convention.

No, I’m not a delegate.  Really, I’m just going for the parties and the food.  Maybe I’ll get to meet some cool people like Willie Nelson.  He gives beer to his horses, and that’s kinda badass.

Even though the convention has nothing to do with fortune cookies (although I hear Beijing is bidding to host the Republican Convention is 2012), I may put up a post or two from Denver if I see something interesting.  If I can think of something witty to say about it, all the better.

I’ll leave you with a new fortune shortly.  However, for the rest week, check back to see any updates from Denver, Colorado and the Convention.

Strategery

” . . . And not thinking will command the U.S. military into Iraq.”

I Flunked Art Class

“. . . But what does true happiness look like?  And can you draw it with a crayon?”