Archive for the 'fortune' Category

20
Apr
09

“I’m here to make a return”

WonderfulNewHome

“. . . The stadium I bought the other day surprisingly has a little draft heading out to right field.  So I have the receipt right here . . . can I get the $1.5 billion put back on my credit card?”

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30
Dec
08

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

The Time is Right to Make New Friend

“Your old friends failed to score an offensive touchdown in 24 consecutive quarters.  Not only could they not find the end zone with two hands a flashlight, they couldn’t find the history book either.”

TKC: It looks like, yet again, the Browns will be waiting for next year.  It’s a tad ironic since a billboard near downtown Cleveland read “There’s always this year.”  Apparently they meant that there is always this year for more heartbreak and disappointment, which is like putting up a billboard that reads “This is the year that Michael Jackson gets weird.”

Romeo Crennel

14
Dec
08

Seven dirty words the IT-department doesn’t like

KeepASecret

“. . . Your boss totally doesn’t know you’re checking this blog at work.  Good job keeping it from the IT-filters.  Good thing this blog doesn’t discuss things you shouldn’t do at work like VIDEO GAMES, PORN, INSTANT MESSENGER, SEX,GAMBLING or OPERATING THE MEAT GRINDER WITHOUT PROTECTIVE GOGGLES.  It’s also fortuitous that it doesn’t discuss addicting things like DRUGS, BOOZE, and KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS.  Nice work.”

09
Dec
08

At least they don’t give me children’s menus anymore

InYouthAndBeautyWisdomIsRare

” 🙂 But don’t waste the stamp on your MENSA application, having neither youth nor beauty doesn’t get you in 🙂 “

TKC:  In celebration of the loss of both my youth and beauty, TKC wishes himself a very happy birthday.

04
Dec
08

Mac vs PC? They both lose to a Mack.

EnjoyYourGoodHealthEveryDay

“. . . Because you never know when your car might get crushed between the jersey wall and a Mack truck.  Seriously.

TKC:  Based on a true story.  Take a look at this random poor young woman’s car:

Becky'sCar I don’t know who she is, but she writes a hilarious, touching, exciting, and generally awesome blog. Granted, it’s not as funny as my blog, but (as of late) it’s been updated more frequently.  It’s called Displaced Journalist.  Not to be confused with the blog about the journalist with Alzheimer’s called Misplaced Journalist.

Anyway, support this girl-I swear-I don’t-know by visiting her blog.  She was hit by a truck, so you should feel guilty if you don’t check out her blog.

04
Dec
08

Some banks are still solvent

Enjoy Giving Gifts of Yourself

“. . . There’s no shame in visiting a sperm bank in this terrible economy.  Unfortunately, they don’t yet offer direct deposit.”

06
Oct
08

Ed McMahon Says “You May Have Already Won!”

I’ve got good news and bad news TKC readers.  What would you like to hear first?  The good news?  So you prefer ending on a depressing note, eh?  Well, whatever floats your boat I guess.

 The good news is that I’m moving to DC this week.  I hear you asking, “but how is that good news for us?”  Good question.  I’m not sure.  But it’s good news for me.  I’ll hopefully be starting a job that is more in line with my interests, and I’ll be in a more exciting, young-person-friendly city.  Although I’m leaving my parents and several amazing friends in Cleveland, I’m cautiously optimistic that this move will prove to be a great thing for me.

So now you masochists wanted the bad news.  Here it is.  My packing has already distracted me from this blog for the past few days, and once I move, I’ll be without my computer and Internet access for at least a week.  So check back in a little over a week, and hopefully I’ll be back bringing you a bunch of new fortunes!

In the meantime, let’s play a game!  Here is a cookie sans funny caption.  I think I know what I would post with it but that would only entertain you for about 10 seconds.  Because you clearly need something slightly more substantial in my absence, let us turn the tables.  Why don’t you entertain me (as well as yourself and others) by posting your witty lines as comments to this post?  Maybe I’ll even find a prize for the best caption (I’ve got plenty of convention swag lying around…)  Please don’t make me look bad though, because if no one posts at all, I’ll feel really, really sad.  At least until I look out my window and realize I’m in DC.




How the cookie crumbles

The concept for this blog is pretty simple: I get fortunes, and I then come up with what the next line of the fortune might be. Did you ever play that game where you add "in bed" to the end of the fortune? Think of this like that game, but requiring more effort to achieve something that will never be as funny as "in bed." Despite what the number of fortunes might suggest, I am not 500 lbs. Nor do I reek of moo shu pork. Thus, I don't eat out enough to keep this going for too long. If you have your own fortunes you want to share, send me a picture (along with your own next line) and maybe I'll post it. Hit me up at SoldierFortuna {A.T.} gmail.
December 2017
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Some legal crap (since I am a lawyer)