Archive Page 2

14
Dec
08

Seven dirty words the IT-department doesn’t like

KeepASecret

“. . . Your boss totally doesn’t know you’re checking this blog at work.  Good job keeping it from the IT-filters.  Good thing this blog doesn’t discuss things you shouldn’t do at work like VIDEO GAMES, PORN, INSTANT MESSENGER, SEX,GAMBLING or OPERATING THE MEAT GRINDER WITHOUT PROTECTIVE GOGGLES.  It’s also fortuitous that it doesn’t discuss addicting things like DRUGS, BOOZE, and KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUTS.  Nice work.”

Advertisements
09
Dec
08

At least they don’t give me children’s menus anymore

InYouthAndBeautyWisdomIsRare

” 🙂 But don’t waste the stamp on your MENSA application, having neither youth nor beauty doesn’t get you in 🙂 “

TKC:  In celebration of the loss of both my youth and beauty, TKC wishes himself a very happy birthday.

06
Dec
08

Something I don’t miss

dictionaryYou know what I don’t miss?  The word “hegemony.”  In college I heard students and professors alike drop this word at least once per day.  But today I realized that I have not heard anyone say that word since college.  I went to a law school that was no slouch when it came to picking bloviating gasbags as both students and professors, but even they avoided that word.

Thank god.

04
Dec
08

Mac vs PC? They both lose to a Mack.

EnjoyYourGoodHealthEveryDay

“. . . Because you never know when your car might get crushed between the jersey wall and a Mack truck.  Seriously.

TKC:  Based on a true story.  Take a look at this random poor young woman’s car:

Becky'sCar I don’t know who she is, but she writes a hilarious, touching, exciting, and generally awesome blog. Granted, it’s not as funny as my blog, but (as of late) it’s been updated more frequently.  It’s called Displaced Journalist.  Not to be confused with the blog about the journalist with Alzheimer’s called Misplaced Journalist.

Anyway, support this girl-I swear-I don’t-know by visiting her blog.  She was hit by a truck, so you should feel guilty if you don’t check out her blog.

04
Dec
08

Some banks are still solvent

Enjoy Giving Gifts of Yourself

“. . . There’s no shame in visiting a sperm bank in this terrible economy.  Unfortunately, they don’t yet offer direct deposit.”

04
Dec
08

I get the feeling I’m forgetting something…

WashingtonDCDid I forget to shut the garage door?  No, that can’t be it – I don’t have a garage.  Did I leave the oven on?  Hmm, no.  That’s not it either.  To leave it on, I would have had to turn it on the first place and I’ve never done that… hmm.

Huh… oh wait.  I know, I forgot to blog.  Whoops.

It’s been a busy two months for me.  Let me recount.  I moved from Cleveland to our nation’s capital.  No, the other capitol.  I bought about 400 pieces of IKEA furniture.  I built said 400 pieces of IKEA furniture.  I have been lucky that none of said 400 pieces have broken due to my shoddy building skills.  I drove back to Cleveland.  I worked on voter protection for a presidential campaign.  I watched the Ohio House Democratic Caucus take back the statehouse.  I flew back to DC.  And the next day I started my job with a big law firm.

Between all the politicking and the legalizing and the building of furniture like an average Joe Sixpack, and the whosawhatsits, I just didn’t have time to blog.  But that’s ok, I didn’t want to become a part of the gotcha mainstream media anyway.

But even with the long hours toiling away for my 6-minute-increment slave-drivers, I think I can find time for my one true love: writing on this blog.  Well that’s not really true.  I’d really rather be going out with a hot date, but since all the dates I’ve been on in this city so far have ended up being really, really, really awful, I think maybe I should just stick to the blogging.

So I happily welcome myself back.  Next up: cookies.

06
Oct
08

Ed McMahon Says “You May Have Already Won!”

I’ve got good news and bad news TKC readers.  What would you like to hear first?  The good news?  So you prefer ending on a depressing note, eh?  Well, whatever floats your boat I guess.

 The good news is that I’m moving to DC this week.  I hear you asking, “but how is that good news for us?”  Good question.  I’m not sure.  But it’s good news for me.  I’ll hopefully be starting a job that is more in line with my interests, and I’ll be in a more exciting, young-person-friendly city.  Although I’m leaving my parents and several amazing friends in Cleveland, I’m cautiously optimistic that this move will prove to be a great thing for me.

So now you masochists wanted the bad news.  Here it is.  My packing has already distracted me from this blog for the past few days, and once I move, I’ll be without my computer and Internet access for at least a week.  So check back in a little over a week, and hopefully I’ll be back bringing you a bunch of new fortunes!

In the meantime, let’s play a game!  Here is a cookie sans funny caption.  I think I know what I would post with it but that would only entertain you for about 10 seconds.  Because you clearly need something slightly more substantial in my absence, let us turn the tables.  Why don’t you entertain me (as well as yourself and others) by posting your witty lines as comments to this post?  Maybe I’ll even find a prize for the best caption (I’ve got plenty of convention swag lying around…)  Please don’t make me look bad though, because if no one posts at all, I’ll feel really, really sad.  At least until I look out my window and realize I’m in DC.




How the cookie crumbles

The concept for this blog is pretty simple: I get fortunes, and I then come up with what the next line of the fortune might be. Did you ever play that game where you add "in bed" to the end of the fortune? Think of this like that game, but requiring more effort to achieve something that will never be as funny as "in bed." Despite what the number of fortunes might suggest, I am not 500 lbs. Nor do I reek of moo shu pork. Thus, I don't eat out enough to keep this going for too long. If you have your own fortunes you want to share, send me a picture (along with your own next line) and maybe I'll post it. Hit me up at SoldierFortuna {A.T.} gmail.
October 2017
S M T W T F S
« Apr    
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

Some legal crap (since I am a lawyer)